RedNeck

 

The hidden persona of Tornado "The RedNeck":

The Redneck Book of Manners

Never take a beer to a job interview.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

RedNeck prides himself on his compassionate persona.  Trev is also a zealous rock climber, notwithstanding losing a close climbing mate, DeadFred, who slipped to his death on a climb with Trev.  As they started their descent DeadFred slipped, splat and was killed instantly.  As the ambulance took Trev's former mate's body away, Trev's other climbing mate, ConcernedMate, said,  

       Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife.

Trev blurted up,

        OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll take care of it.

Two hours later, Trev returned carrying a case of Tooheys Old.  ConcernedMate says,

        Hardly appropriate getting into the slops, just after losing DeadFred.  Hey, you couldn't afford a feed this morning.  Where did you get the beer, Trev?

Trev replies.

        DeadFred 's wife gave it to me.

ConcernedMate says,

        That's unbelievable, you told the lady that her husband was just splattered on the concrete and she gave you a case of beer?

Trev responded,

        Well, not exactly, when she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be DeadFred''s widow".

She said,

        You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.

Then I said, 

        I'll bet you a case of beer that you are.

To avoid Trev initiating defamation proceedings against Scribe, it is important to establish what type of RedNeck Trev might be:

(i)         From the boondocks with little intelligence, usually ugly, made fun of constantly as an uneducated buffoon; too stupid to know he is stupid.  Not Tornado

(ii)        The red neck is from standing around in the sun all day, too dumb to find some shade.  Not Tornado

(iii)       Usually seen in a beat-up pick-up truck with a rifle in the back window.  Not Tornado

(iv)        Member of the white rural laboring class, especially amongst the Tasmania provincial  conservatives, often bigoted attitude.   Not Tornado 

(v)         Lives in the woodlands of low socio-economic status, minimal intelligence and drives a pick-up truck and may be married to a close relative.  Not Tornado

(vi)        Doesn’t work a 9 to 5 job, nor needs to check his e-mails thrice daily and relies on a push bike as primary 'modus operandi' for getting from ‘a’ to ‘b’, where ‘a’ and ‘b’ are -

  •      more than a walk to the fridge, and

  •      less than the final trip to the mortuary.  May be that is Trev. 

Word has it that Trev has built himself a bicycle sulky, whereupon a picture can go at top Left below:

Tornado resplendent on his trusty treadley, towing his new sulky.

 
     

  1.     You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  2.     You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
  3.     Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
  4.     You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
  5.     You offer to give some1 the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
  6.     You come back from the dump with more than you took.
  7.     Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
  8.     You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
  9.     You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
10.     Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

Have you used any of these "Pick up" one-liners:
1)      My love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.
3)      You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
3)      I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer Bed-rock.
5)      Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
6)      If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep 'till afternoon.
7)      Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

More RedNeck knowledge, pointers and valuable etiquette tips.

A  Beautiful Tennessee Love Poem

 

 

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